Monday, February 13, 2012
Last night I dreamt of him.
Had not dreamt of him for a long, long time.
I was in my room, asleep and yet I heard his voice. Woke up from sleep, groggily stumbling to the hall, saying this is impossible, but his voice...it is his...I would know it anywhere. Even tho my heart said that it is impossible, but I still searched for him. And then, in my dream...I remember, that he was already gone. I woke up, with silent tears down my cheeks and a heavy feeling in my heart.
Apparently deep, deep down, I still miss him.
I would trade everything just to see him again, the way he used to be. The way his eyes light up when he used to look at me...as if I am his little angel, as if I am his whole world.
All the good times that we had, are suddenly magnified. All the bad times, the quarrel and the hatred were......gone. I want to remember him the way he used to be, larger than life and suffused with life itself. Oh, I miss him so much.
In my blog, at one time I remember dedicating Kate Winslet's song, "What If" to him. Until now, this song reminds me of him.
"What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know"
It is true that love and hate is only different sides of a coin. I still hate him for all the anguish that he had caused and all the pain that he had inflicted. But i guess, I do and still love him more than I myself can and will ever acknowledge.
Semuga Allah merahmatimu sentiasa.
Now, let's change for a better life
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The race of man shall perish, but the eyes
Of trilobytes eternal in stone,
And seem to stare about in mild surprise
At changes greater than they have yet known.
- T.A. Conrad
To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
- William Blake,
excerp from Auguries of Innocence.