Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Now I know why during these last 3-4 months, I'm always sad. My prescience is telling me something, which I want to deny. Trying to deny again and again, but in the end....everything comes out of the closet. Sigh...
Well, with all my dependents in love and flying out of my nest, I really don't have any reason to hold back anymore. I noticed that I had always many excuses to not live, my family, my best friend needs me....and with them all going away, I'm left with.....me. It's a scary prospect, to not have any walls to hide behind, to face the world without any mask. Really...a scary prospect.
I'm scared, really scared. I do not have anyone to catch my falls anymore, to caution me in my life, to call when I'm scared or loss, just to talk to fill in my lonely hours or just to lose some steam. I'd lost my voice of reason, my link to heaven and earth. Believe me, free falling is not in any way...nice.
But like my best friend said, life goes on. Yes, it does....time never stops when someone dies or when someone is lost. Life in any way, will find it's way to survive, to go on. And I'll deal with Life by my own. It's wonderful having you by myside all these years, to hold my hands and to caution me when I'm too slow. I'll treasure these memories, and hope you'll create new wonderful ones without me.
I do not blame anyone for my conditions, they are all of my own. And I do really wish the best for everyone, for all are already adults and need to face their own life. Fly my love, fly to the end of the rainbow...for whatever people may say, you deserve your own happiness.
Not listening to anything now.
Links to this post:
The race of man shall perish, but the eyes
Of trilobytes eternal in stone,
And seem to stare about in mild surprise
At changes greater than they have yet known.
- T.A. Conrad
To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
- William Blake,
excerp from Auguries of Innocence.